


SLURPEES

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Humor, Mary Sue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 13:50:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5930701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Slurpees in the seven-eleven.</p>
            </blockquote>





	SLURPEES

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

It's Friday night, at Manderly. I sit on my bed, staring at the moon. Friday night and nothing to do! I gaze at my muggle watch, and notice that it's 7:11. All of a sudden I get a craving for a "slurpee" a frozen drink in the muggle world. I head straight for the muggle library, looking for a way to get a slurpee.My friend Patty walks into the library. "Well you see there's this special muggle treat in a store called 7 eleven... let's go for a slurpee patty! Now let's see how we can get there..."

(A/n: See what I mean? The rest is mine.)

+++

She frowned slightly, wrinkling her freckled nose up and looking at me as if I'd just suggested that drenching oneself in chocolate and feeding oneself to a hungry manticore was the newest wizarding fad. Not that I read 'Witch Weekly' and look these things up, of course. "I don't want a slurpee," Patty said distastefully.

"Of course you want a slurpee! How could you **not** want a slurpee?" I asked incredulously. She shot me her patented Death Stare, and I winced slightly.

"This," Patty said, holding up a piece of parchment, "says, and in **your** scrawling handwriting so don't try that innocent face on with me, that you wanted to do **homework** , Mieko."

"Well, I had to get you out of school somehow." She ignored me and started to unpack her bag, but I managed to grab the quill and inkpot away. "Come on, Pattyyyy..." I wheedled. " **One** slurpee. It won't kill you. Just one, then I **promise** we can come back here and work all night 'til our eyes fall out if you like."

Palms flat on the table top, she fixed her grey eyes on mine and tried to stare me down. I just grinned. I knew she'd crack. She always has to blink before I do.

Sure enough, she did. She squeezed her dry eyes shut and blinked some comfort back into them, then stood up. "One slurpee," she repeated, holding up a single finger as if aural orders weren't enough for me. She replaced her inkbottle and quill. "Where did you say we could purchase these, uh, slurpees?"

"The seven eleven."

"Uh-huh." She raised a sceptical eyebrow. "And what's a seven eleven?"

I shrugged. "Along the same lines as a Happy Shopper or Spar shop, I imagine. You know Mary Sue?"

"That beautiful American transfer student who has all the boys and half the girls trying to get in her tiny knickers?"

"Yeah, her. She was telling me about them. And I really, really want one." I grabbed her elbow and steered her ahead of me and onto the street... then we stopped as (I assume) we realised the same problem at the same time.

"Mieko?"

"Um. Yes?"

"Seven eleven is an American shop, right?"

"Um. Yes?"

"May I ask how we're going to get across the Atlantic, buy a slurpee, and get back, all with time to spare for a three-foot Transfiguration essay?"

I grinned. "You may."

"Mieko!"

"Okay, I'm sorry!" I thought for a moment. "Well, we can't Apparate yet, of course. And Muggle ways are too slow. That just leaves the Floo."

"Oh, right. Well, we can't exactly sneak back into school and there are no wizarding fires for miles..."

"Will you shut up? I'm trying to get to the good part, not create a mindblowingly accurate plot!"

Patty looked contrite. "Sorry. Go on."

"This stuff here," I said, taking a brown leather pouch from my pocket and showing her the shimmering silver-grey contents within, "is Extra-Special Floo Power." She looked sceptical. "It can be used in any fire, Muggle or wizard. Even a campfire."

"Mie, you need a chimne--"

"Shh!"

"Sorry!"

I looked at her expectantly. "Well? What are we waiting for?"

+

Moments later we were concealed in the dark space between two tall buildings and behind some rubbish bags. We conjured a blazing blue fire, and I offered Patty the bag. She took a pinch of powder; when she tossed it into the flames, they glowed luminous green.

"Seven eleven," she said clearly, and disappeared. I followed moments after.

I knew something had gone wrong right away. Mary Sue had described to me the fluorescent lighting, the large windows, the chirpy till operators, and the all-American atmosphere of the seven-eleven shops ( ::shrugs:: I don't know what it's like --M). The place in which Patty and I found ourselves was very different. The walls were dark grey stone, curving gently over smooth, natural bumps instead of being broken up into bricks. A cave, then, maybe? The walls should have been cold, but of course there was a fire, otherwise we wouldn't have been able to Floo in.

"Doesn't look like they sell slurpees here," Patty whispered. I put my finger to my lips and ducked out of the large fireplace to investigate.

The only light came from the fire, which faded back to blue and began to heat up again once we'd stepped out of it. It cast slightly eerie, flickering shadows over the tiny room, and I noticed there was a heavy-looking door at the opposite end. Between it and me, there were a couple of squashy brown armchairs, some shelves and a small coffee table all piled high with Galleons, and a bed.

Hang on...

"Is there someone there?" Patty breathed in my ear. She sounded terrified.

"Shh. I think so."

We both lapsed into silence, and listened. The bedsprings were creaking noisily, accompanied by...

_Oh, dear. This is **private**!_ I thought in panic. I scrambled for the bag and Flooed myself and Patty back to school as quickly as I could. Yes, to school. I was quite willing to face the repercussions of Flooing back from Ralph-knows-where into the Headmistress' personal fireplace. Anything, just to get away from that bloody squeaking bed...

+

Sirius Black helped Remus Lupin out of the cart and they strolled towards the door.

"I hope everything was to your satisfaction, sirs," came the oily voice of a goblin, who looked as if he really hoped they'd fallen out of the cart at least twice each, preferably breaking plenty of bones on the way down.

"Yes," said Remus, always the charming one. He flashed a smile of such heartbreaking beauty that the goblin almost felt like being nice. Almost. "The withdrawal was very pleasant indeed, thank you."

Remus was dragged into Diagon Alley by his snorting, giggling lover.

"I knew it was a good idea to put a bed down there," Sirius said. His blue eyes gleamed with mischief. "Vault 711 was never as much fun when it was unfurnished."

Remus laughed and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Let's go home."

In the end, although Mieko and Patty hadn't managed to get their slurpees, there **had** been much slurping in the Seven Eleven that day... and Remus and Sirius had enjoyed every last minute of it.

~END~


End file.
